翻译：cool
Hello, it's Yance. 你好 我是扬斯
Hello, it's Demitri Jones returning your phone call. 你好 我是德米特里琼斯回您的电话
-Hi, Miss Jones. How are you? -OK. -你好 琼斯小姐 你好吗？ -很好
I am not sure if you remember my name,or my brother's name. 我不确定你是否记得我的名字或者我哥哥的名字
He was a homicide victim, 他是一个谋杀案的受害者
back in 1992, when you were with the Suffolk County District Attorney's Office. 案发在1992年 当时您在萨福克郡地区检察官办公室工作
-OK. -His name was William Ford. -嗯 -他的名字叫威廉福特
You worked on the case with Stephen O'Brien 您当时和斯蒂芬奥布赖恩一起处理此案
and Detective James Hughes. 还有詹姆斯休斯警官
OK, what do you want to know? 嗯 你想知道什么？
I was calling to see if you were willing 我打电话想知道您是否愿意
to, within, you know, your legal restrictions, 在您的法律限制下
answer some of the questions that have been, 回答一些问题
sort of, plaguing me for the last 22 years. 这些问题困扰了22年
No. I'm not going to do that. 不行 我不打算这么做
OK. Do you mind if I ask you why? 好 你介意我问下为什么吗？
Because as a prosecutor 因为作为一名公诉人
everything that happens in the Grand Jury is confidential. 发生在大陪审团里的事都是保密的
-So I'm not going to discuss it. -Sure. Right. No. -所以我不打算讨论它 -当然 好
I'm asking about the investigation. 我问的是有关调查的事
Yeah, no, I'm not willing to discuss any 不 我不愿意
of my prior cases on film with anybody. 在电影上和任何人讨论我之前处理的案子
-May I interview you by phone? -No. -我可以在电话上访问你吗？ -不行
-OK, and... -I don't want to discuss the case. -好吧 -我不想讨论案情
And you don't want to make any comment? 你不想做任何评论吗？
I do not want to make any comment. 我不想做任何评论
-OK, Miss Jones. Thank you. -Bye. -好 琼斯小姐 谢谢 -再见
My son... 我儿子
lying dead in a coffin, 躺在棺材里
with the most peaceful look on his face. 脸上表情非常平静
You, your sister... 你 你的姐姐
And I remember thinking... 我记得当时在想
"How are we gonna make it without him? 没有了他以后我们该怎么办？
How will our life go on, without him?" 没有了他我们的生活怎么继续？
Even then, 直到那个时候
I was saying, 我也在说
"Wait until we get to court! “等我们上法庭！
I said, "This is a young man who has never been in trouble in his entire life. 我说 这是一个一生中从未遇到麻烦的年轻人
Wait until we get to court." 等我们上法庭！”
So you were saying this to yourself on the day of the funeral? 葬礼那天你这样对自己说的吗？
"Wait until we get to court. “等我们上法庭！
This death is not going to be in vain." 他不会白死的”
I'm not surprised that the case didn't go to trial. 我并不感到奇怪这个案子没有开庭审理
I just want to know all the reasons why. 我只是想知道原因
I'm not angry. 我不生气
I'm also not willing to accept 我也不愿意接受
that someone else gets to say 像其他人说的
who William was. 谁是威廉呀
And if you're uncomfortable with me asking these questions, 如果你觉得我问这些问题让你不舒服
you should probably get up and go. 你可以站起来离开
强岛
All of the years that we were growing up, 我们成长的那些年里
if we went through a section, or passed a section 如果我们穿过一个区域 或者经过一个区域
that was predominantly white, 那里主要聚集了白人的话
you ran. 你要跑开
That's when I started to realize the economic difference. 那时我开始意识到经济上的差异
OK, so these people weren't wealthy, 是的 这些人并不富裕
but their wealth was that they were white. 但是他们富裕在他们是白人
My father's name was George Alexander Dunmore. 我爸爸名叫乔治亚力山大邓莫尔
I was two when my father died. 我两岁的时候他去世了
He had a severe asthma attack. 他患有严重哮喘
He was taken to the hospital. 他被送往医院的时候
There was a White waiting room, 有白人候诊室
and a Colored waiting room, 和有色人种候诊室
and even though he was critically... 虽然当时他非常地
in respiratory difficulty, 呼吸困难
he was made to wait. 他还是被迫等候
And during that period of time, he died. 就是在那段时间 他死了
Tell me the story of how you met Dad. When did you meet Dad? 说说你怎么遇到爸爸的 什么时候你遇到爸爸的？
Well, let's not say, "When did I meet him?" 不要说 “我什么时候遇见他？”
When did I become aware of him? 而是 “什么时候我意识到他的存在？”
What's the difference? 有什么区别吗？
Because I saw him when I was in the sixth grade, 因为我六年级的时候就见过他了
and he was in the seventh grade. 他当时在七年级
I did not speak with him 我没和他说过话
until October of 1958. 直到1958年10月
I was a sophomore, 我大二
and he was a junior. 他大三
And... where we lived, 我们住在
in Charleston, South Carolina, 南卡罗来纳州 查尔斯顿
we always had a Coronation Ball 有一场加冕舞会
at County Hall. 在郡大厅
Your father came over. 你爸爸去了
He asked me for a dance, 他邀请我跳舞
and he asked me that night if I would be his girl. 那晚上他问我是否愿意做他的女孩
I tried to be cool, 我尝试着装酷
and let a few seconds pass 过了几秒钟
before I said, "Yes!" 我才答应
I didn't say yes, I said, 我没有说好 我说
"Yeah, I guess so." 好吧 我猜可以
You know? But I was jumping for joy inside. 你知道吗？ 但是我心里乐得跳了起来
Because I had loved this man from afar 因为我早就爱上这个男人了
since I was in sixth grade. 自从我六年级的时候
We got married July 10th, 1965. 1965年7月10日 我们结婚了
Now, 嗯
I think that my husband... 我觉得我丈夫
was a gorgeous man, OK? 是个很棒男人 是吗？
He was handsome. 他很帅
We moved to New York. 我们搬到了纽约
I absolutely loved it. 我很爱纽约
We found an apartment in Brooklyn. 我们在布鲁克林找到了一套公寓
I enjoyed it immensely. 我非常喜欢
It was the kind of apartment building 是那种公寓
that had a lot of old Jewish ladies who lived there. 很多老犹太女士住在那里
And they would line up in front of the window 她们会排在窗前
in the afternoon, and they'd sit there. 在下午 她们坐在那里
They were wonderful. 她们很棒
I remember coming home one day, 我记得有天我回到家
and one of them said, 她们有人跟我说
"It looks as if you're going to have a baby!" “看起来你怀孕了！”
I said, "Oh, my goodness, I thought I was hiding it." 我说 “天呐 我以为我藏得很好呢”
I was elated, you know. 我很高兴
And when I sang he would get quiet, 我唱歌的时候他会静静听
and when I stopped, he would move a little. 我停下来 他微微动一下
And if I didn't start right back up, 如果我不马上重新唱
his little feet and hands would be moving. 他的小脚和小手会不停动
William was born in 1967. 威廉生于1967年
Your father would say, "That boy's gonna be so spoiled." 你爸爸说 这个男孩要被宠坏的
He was. He was. 他是的 他是的
I made an "A" on the national teachers exam. 我在全国教师考试中得了“A”
I loved teaching. 我爱教书
I loved it. 我爱教书
Because I knew what being educated 因为我知道受教育意味着什么
had done for my sisters and me. 对于我姐妹和我
And I also knew the struggle. 我也知道奋斗
My mom stripped tobacco for a living, 我妈妈靠抽取烟丝为生
OK? 知道吗？
She left school in the fourth grade, 她四年级就辍学了
and went to work. 去工作
I helped her learn how to read. 我帮她学习如何阅读
I think she had no shame with me, 我想她对我一点也不会感到羞耻
because I was the youngest. 因为我是最小的
And I was proud 我很骄傲
that I could help her read and write. 我能帮她读和写
My mother started out her career 我妈妈开始了她的事业
in New York City as an English teacher, 在纽约做一名英语老师
and worked her way up to become Principal 一直做到了校长
of Thomas Jefferson High School 在托马斯杰弗逊高中
in East New York. 东纽约
After 13 years there, 在那里呆了13年后
she opened a school for girls and women at Rikers, 她自己在里克斯开了一所女校
the jail that sits in... 为监狱服务
essentially at the end of the runway at LaGuardia Airport. 基本上是在拉瓜迪亚机场跑道的尽头
里克斯岛是美国第二大监狱
She named it Rosewood, and she developed programs 她取名叫“紫檀木计划” 她开发了学习课程
that helped women leave prison with skills, 帮助妇女们离开监狱的时候有一技之长
so that they would have options when they got out of prison. 这样她们在离开监狱的时候有得选择的余地
And my father just believed 我爸爸相信
in my mother's ability to do anything. 我妈妈能做好任何事情的能力
Your father worked at Andrew Geller's. 你爸爸在安德鲁盖勒工作
Fabulous shoes. 极好的鞋
Fantastic, beautiful shoes, and I loved them. 极好的 漂亮的鞋 我很爱它们
He wanted to be a draftsman. 他想当设计师
He took the test for the Transit Authority 他参加了交通部的考试
to become a motorman... 成为了一名司机
but he could still go to school. 但是他仍然在接受学校教育
Then you were born. 然后你出生了
When Lauren was born, 当劳伦出生后
he was overjoyed. 他开心极了
He was overjoyed. 他开心极了
But as you guys grew, you were so rambunctious. 你们慢慢长大 非常吵闹
We were looking for an apartment. 我们在找一间公寓
We looked in Brooklyn. 我们在布鲁克林找
Nothing that we found did your father like. 我们找到的房子你爸爸都不喜欢
He did not like anything that we found. 他不喜欢任何我们找到的房子
I must not have spoken to him for a month, OK? 我一个月都没跟他说话 知道吗？
I would put pillows in the middle of the bed, 我在床中间放了枕头
because it meant that 因为那意味着
we had to keep looking, 我们不得不继续寻找
and at the time, I did not know how dead set he was 当时 我不知道他有多坚决
on moving to Long Island. 对于搬到长岛这件事
My father drove the J Train, 我爸爸开J列车
which ran on a loop through some of the 这列车环路通过一些
toughest neighborhoods in the city. 这座城市最艰苦的街区
From his motorman's cabin, he saw a 从他的列车长室 他看见
very different New York than my mother. 一个和我妈妈看到的迥然不同的纽约
He saw poverty, and crime, 他看见了贫穷 犯罪
and violence, 和暴力
and a rapidly declining city. 一个快速衰落的城市
My father was not a fearful man. 我爸爸不是一个胆怯的人
He was a realist. 他是个现实主义者
He had already gotten out of the Jim Crow South in one piece, 他一步一步从南方走了出来
and he didn't want to put his family or our future at risk. 他不想让他的家庭或我们的未来处在风险中
We came out one Saturday, 一个周六我们出来
and met Sam McCollough. 和山姆麦克洛见面
Nice, you know. He lived in the community. 挺好的 他住在社区里
He was the agent for the company 他是公司的代理
that bought this land and built the houses. 这个公司买土地修建房屋
I was told later that they wanted to attract... 后来我被告知他们想吸引
people who were employed by the city, you know, 公务员买家
whom they thought could afford the homes. 他们觉得他们才买得起这些房子
A lot of... African Americans 很多非洲裔美国人
were moving out to Long Island. 都搬到长岛
Civil servants, like bus drivers, police officers, correction officers... 公务员 公共汽车司机 警察 管教所官员
and they would put them in pockets, or neighborhoods in the different towns. 他们会把他们集中安置 或放在不同城镇的街区
You could go to certain towns... 你可以去某些城镇
go to Deer Park and find the same "new D," Amityville, find the same "new D," 去鹿园发现相同的“新区D” 去阿米蒂维尔发现相同的“新区D”
but all the rest of Long Island was, you know, predominantly white. 但是长岛的大部分地方都是白人聚集区
So in that one neighborhood, 这样一来在一个街区
it was a haven. 那里是天堂
When you would go out, you know... 你一出街区
you might be running back for your life, you know? 你可能就回到你的生活 知道吗？
Growing up in a new development, a "new D"... 在新的发展中成长 一个“新区D”
was beautiful. 很美好
It was wonderful. 很棒
It was safe. 很安全
I really, really did not like it. 我真的真的不喜欢这样
Everybody was black. 每个人都是黑人
You think that was an accident? 你觉得是个意外吗？
Of course not. 当然不是
But... 但是
I guess... 我猜
not having grown up... 因为我没有成长
in a home that belonged to us as a family, 在一个属于自己家的家庭里
I wanted to ensure 我想确保
that you guys had it differently. 你们能有不同的经历
This has been our home: 这里是我们的家
147 Cone Avenue, Central Islip. 中央艾斯利普 科恩大道 147号
When they moved to the neighborhood where I grew up in Central Islip, 当他们搬到我长大的中央艾斯利普街区
it was essentially moving back into a segregated community. 实际上是搬回了一个隔离的社区
Segregation draws a line around not just your neighborhood, 隔离不仅只是在你的社区划隔离线
but your life. 其实是你的人生被隔离了
"Sorry, you can't have more. Sorry, you can't earn more. “不好意思 你不能有更多了 不好意思 你不能赚更多了
You can't shop here.You can't live here. You can't move here. 你不能在这里买东西 你不能住在这里 你不能搬到这里
This is it for you." 给你的就这些了”
While the houses were affordably priced, it was deceptive. 虽然房子价格可以承担 但是是骗人的
The taxes were high and the public schools were bad. 税收高 公立学校很差
And now, on top of a mortgage and car payments, 现在 加上房贷和车款
they had to pay a combined 36 years of tuition 他们要付36年的学费
to put three kids through Catholic school. 让三个孩子学完天主教学校课程
The bottom line was, your father had to leave college. 事实上 你爸爸被迫要离校了
It got too much for him. 这对他太过分了
He started working the night shift. 他开始上夜班
Sometimes I'd be coming down the Southern State, coming home, 有时候我要到南部或者回家
and he'd be going in. 他正要去上班
I would blow at him, he'd blow at me and we would wave, you know. 我打下他 他打下我 我们挥挥手
And for many, many, many years, that's the way it was. 好多好多年来都是这样
I think it was good for you guys, 我觉得对你们是好事
but not good for a marriage to thrive. 但对婚姻美满不利
I loved that my mother, especially, 我爱我妈妈 特别是
made it really clear that, no matter what, 她总是很清晰表明 无论发生什么
my brother, my sister and I, 我哥哥 我妹妹和我
our principal job in life was to love each other. 人生最重要的事是要我们互相爱护
I'm grateful for that directive. 我很感激那个指示
It's one of the reasons why I miss my brother so much. 这就是其中一个原因为什么我那么思念我的哥哥
William was seven years older than I was, 威廉比我大7岁
and that is fantastic. 那真棒
Being nine years old and having a 16-year-old brother 9岁的时候有个16岁的哥哥
who can get you into R-rated movies 他能给你搞到限制级的电影
and buy you comic books, 给你买漫画书
and be able to drive you around... 带你去兜风
He would look at me and say, "Kato, we're on a mission." 他会看着我说 “卡托 我们有个任务”
No matter what we were doing. 无论我们在做什么
We could be going to the grocery store to pick up... 我们可能去杂货店去买
wax paper, you know, and he was like, "We're on a mission." 蜡纸 他会说 “我们有个任务”
Another challenge for the Green Hornet, 对青蜂侠又有一个挑战
his aide, Kato, and their rolling arsenal, the Black Beauty. 他的助手 卡托 他们的移动军火库 黑美人
Kato was the Green Hornet's sidekick. 卡托是绿蜂侠的死党
Kato was played by Bruce Lee. 卡托是由布鲁斯李扮演的
We grew up watching old-school Batman and Robin, 我们看着蝙蝠侠和侠盗罗宾汉一起长大
and The Green Hornet. 还有绿蜂侠
Hornet gun. Let's roll, Kato. 蜂枪 开枪 卡托
Being called Kato was like, an honor, you know, 被称为卡托是一种荣誉
because Bruce Lee was awesome. 因为布鲁斯李很棒
We both loved martial arts, you know, and comic books and stuff like that. 我们都喜欢军事艺术 漫画书那些东西
We'd, like, pass them around 我们会传着看
and say, "Look at this.Do you see the artwork on this one?" 看看这个 你看到这个艺术品了吗？
"Oh, did you see the plotline on this one? Oh, man! 你看到这个故事了吗？
They're going to kill this guy off? No!" 他们要杀了这个人吗？不要啊！
You know? 知道吗？
It was just awesome. 很棒
Football is how we met. 我们通过踢球认识的
His dad and my dad, and his self and myself, 他爸爸和我爸爸 他和我
were all on the same team. 都在同一个队
And that's how we began our friendship. 就是这样我们的友谊开始的
Ford was a center, I was a defensive end, 福特是中锋 我是后卫
and we used to rely on each other for 我们习惯了依赖彼此
rides back and forth to practice. 来回训练
From that time... until he passed away, 从那时候起 直到他去世
I would pretty much say we were pretty much inseparable. 我觉得我们非常不可分割
Me and William. 我和威廉
Ford was protective of those around him, 福特保护他周围的人
especially his sisters. 特别是他的妹妹们
I was 15. 我当时15岁
He was the first person to tell me I looked pretty, you know? 他是第一个告诉我很美的人 知道吗？
He's like, "Now look at yourself." 他说 “看看你自己”
And he's like, "You're pretty." 他说 “你很美”
And I'm like, "No, I'm not." And he's like, "Yes, yes, you are." 我说 “没有 我不美” 他说 “是的 是的 你很美”
That's just something I never forgot. 这些事我永远忘不了
My parents wanted to raise remarkable kids. 我父母想养育卓越的孩子
Our blackness, and what it meant to be black in America, 我们黑人 我们黑人在美国意味着什么
and how to survive being black in America, 我们黑人如何在美国生存
and the resilience that needed to be black in America, 我们黑人在美国需要的弹性
as well as the pride, 以及骄傲
was something that our parents 是我们父母
instilled in us extraordinarily well. 非常好地灌输给我们的
But it didn't occur to them that there were other things 但是他们没有想到还有其他的事情
that their kids might struggle with. 他们孩子们可能与之斗争
William's room had been directly across the hall from my parents. 威廉的房间原来在我父母房间那里 直接穿过大厅
He quickly... 他很快
OK, what I remember... 我记得
There are five steps from the main level of the house 从房子主层有五个台阶
down into the basement. 下到地下室
By that summer, William had moved to the basement. 那个夏天 威廉搬到了地下室
I would sneak into William's room 我会偷偷溜进威廉的房间
and I'd read his magazines, and... 我翻看他的杂志
You know, I read a lot of Playboy... 看了很多《花花公子》杂志
that summer! 那个夏天！
I read a lot of Porn magazine that summer. 那个夏天我看了很多黄色杂志
And... 还有
that was something that I... 那是一些我
felt, really... 感觉 真的
both... 既有
excited by, and ashamed of. 兴奋和惭愧
Because I knew I was queer, 因为我知道我是同性恋
and there was no one to talk about it with. 没有人可以谈论这个
Happy birthday,dear Yance! 生日快乐 亲爱的扬斯！
Happy birthday to you! 祝你生日快乐！
I never asked...I never asked my parents questions. 我从来没有问过 我从来没有问过我父母问题
You know, we had health class in school, 我们在学校有健康课
so I learned about sex and childbirth... 我学到了性和生育
from Catholic nuns. 从天主教修女那里
Instead of going to math class, I went to the library and found... 我没有去上数学课 却去了图书馆
you know, Rita Mae Brown books, 丽塔梅布朗的书
and even though they were corny, I read those. 虽然他们比较过时 我喜欢读
That's how I learned that there were other gay people in the world. 这就是我怎样知道世界上还有其他同性恋的
I never told William that I was queer, 我从来没有告诉威廉我是同性恋
and I wish I had. 我希望我告诉过他
That's right, the basement room was my brother's last room, 是的 地下室是我哥哥最后的房间
and he was living at home, 他住在家里
when he was killed. 当他被杀的时候
I think it was a weekend, 我想那是个周末
because William and Lesline had taken me bowling. 因为威廉和蕾丝琳带我去打保龄球
It was a fun night. 那晚很好玩
I bowled a 96. 我打了96分
On the way back, 回去的路上
I was sitting behind William. 我坐在威廉后面
Lesline was driving. 蕾丝琳在开车
We were going to take the shortcut onto Brightside, and as we were turning, 我们想抄近路去布赖特赛德 我们正在转弯
I saw this tow truck that didn't have any lights on, 我看到了一辆拖车没有开灯
and before I could say, "Look out," 我还没来得及说“小心”
bam, we were in a car accident. 嘣 我们出了车祸
William helped me out of the car. 威廉把我拉出了车
He asked me if I was OK. 他问我是否没事
I said yes, 我说没事
and then he walked me over to the tree stump, 然后他把我扶到了树桩那儿
sat me down, said, "Stay here." 让我坐下 说“呆在这”
The tow truck belonged to some kind of body shop, 拖车属于一家汽车修理厂
and they said that if they didn't file a police report, 他们说如果他们不用向警方提交报告
that they would fix Lesline's car. 他们才会修蕾丝琳的车
All I knew was that it was being fixed by the guys who hit it. 我只知道车是被撞车的那人修理的
Once I found out where the car was at, 一旦我发现车在哪里被修
I said to Ford that, 我对福特说
"I don't think the place is legit. “我不觉得那里是合法的
I don't think it is what you think it is." 我不觉得它是你想的那样”
That, "You got to be very careful." “你要非常小心”
That they weren't the kind of people you wanted to play around with. 他们不是那种你想打交道的人
I was on Rikers Island at the time, 我当时在里克斯岛
and Lesline got a job working for me. 蕾丝琳为我工作
One day, we were driving home, 有一天 我们开车回家
and she asked me if I would stop by 她问我能不能靠边停下
so she could see if her car was finished. 她想看看她的车修好了没
But it wasn't finished. 但是车没有修好
And that's when the drama started. 就在那个时候事情发生了
Sitting downstairs on the sofa, 我坐在楼下的沙发里
and the phone rang, and it was Ford, and he says, 电话响了 是福特 他说
"Hey, what's going on? I need a favor." “怎么了？ 我需要帮助”
So I said, "What's up?" And he goes, "I need to go to pick up the car." 于是我说 “怎么了？” 他说 “我要去拿我的车”
It was late, I thought it was weird, 很晚了 我觉得有点奇怪
but at that point I'd known the shop to be open all types of hours of night. 但是在那个时候 我知道了修车厂晚上一直营业
So I said, "Oh, great! Are you sure you're picking up the car?" 于是我说 “好吧！你确定要去拿车？”
He's like, "Yeah, it's all done," and I'm like, "This is over. 他说 “是啊 都修好了” 我说 “好吧
Let's get in the car. It's over." 我们上车吧 好吧”
I got in the car, went the three 我上了车 开了三个
blocks to get to Ford's house. 街区到了福特家
He came outside, seemed in a good mood, 他出来 心情不错
so I didn't think anything. 所以我什么都没想
He gets in the car. 他上了车
I remember turning the car on and saying, 我记得起动了车 然后说
"Let's go to Queens." “去皇后吧”
"Queens" was our strip club's... “皇后”是我们的脱衣舞酒吧
code for going to a strip club. 是去脱衣舞酒吧的暗号
"Let's go to Queens, let's get a beer." “去皇后 喝点啤酒”
He goes, "Yeah, sure. Let me just go and get the car." 他说 “当然 我先去拿车”
I said OK. 我说好
We got up the street to the first stop sign, 我们走到街上第一个停车标志处
and again I said,"I think we should go get a beer," 我又说 “我们应该喝点啤酒”
and he says, "Kev, you're bugging. Take me to get the car." 他说 “凯文 你很烦 带我去拿车”
We turn, we start heading down Ferndale 我们转弯 我们驶向弗恩代尔
towards Brightside, and... 朝布赖特赛德方向
once you make that turn it's pretty much right there. 一拐弯就差不多到了
I remember him going into the yard and 我记得他进了院子
somebody coming out of the shop door 有人从店门口出来
and meeting him in the yard. 和他在院子碰头
And immediately words started getting exchanged. 立刻就开始交谈了
And I said, "Oh, here we go." 我说 “我们走吧”
And it's nothing physical, and it's nothing too out of control, 没有什么肢体冲撞 也没有什么失控
so I'm just, like, not saying nothing. 所以我啥也没说
I'm just kind of standing there, and then... 我就站在那里 然后
someone walked out of the garage area. 有人走出车库来
Three feet, four feet, stopped dead in his tracks. 三步 四步 然后不走了
Ford turned and said, 福特转头说
"Kevin, that's the kid that cursed out my mother." “凯文 就是那个小子骂我的妈妈”
And then, back we grew up, nobody disrespects your mom. 那个时候 我们打小没有人敢不尊敬你的妈妈
At that point, I knew somebody was going to get into a fight. 那个时候 我知道有人要打起来了
There was nothing for me to say, so I just said, "OK." 没啥好说的 我说 “好吧”
And Ford went to walk towards him. 福特走向他
The kid turned, 那小子转身
went back in the garage and made a left. 回到了车库 然后左转
Disappeared. 不见了
The minute Ford walked into that garage door and made a left, 在福特进到车库门左转的时候
I heard a pop. 我听到了砰的一声
And I said to the guy, I said,"What the hell was that?" 我对那人说 “见鬼 那是什么？”
And he says, "I don't know." 他说 “我不知道”
I said, "It sounded like an air compressor," 我说 “听起来像空气压缩机的声音”
and then I said, "Do you guys have a gun here?" 我说 “你们这里有枪吗？”
He said, "Yeah, we have one in the back." 他说 “后面有一把”
I said, "Oh, shit." 我说 “糟了”
The phone rang. 电话响了
Kevin was on the phone. 凯文打来的
"Ms. Ford, “福特夫人
you need to come to Super Stang." 您需要到超级站（店名）来下”
I said, "Why?" 我说 “为什么？”
He said, "Something happened." 他说 “出事了”
She takes the car. 她坐上车
And all I know is that she pulled out of the driveway, 她驶出车道
heading down Cone Avenue. 开往科恩大道
There was a barricade. 那里有个路障
No officer spoke to me. 没有长官跟我说话
No officer... 没有长官
would look at me. 看了我一下
Kevin came to me, 凯文向我走来
and he said, 他说
"Mark Reilly shot William." “马克赖利枪杀了威廉”
And I said to the officer, 我对长官说
you know... 你知道
"Where is my son? I want to be with my son." “我的儿子在哪里？我想和我儿子在一起”
And he told me that... 然后他对我说
they had taken him to LIPA, 他们带他去拍照了
to airlift him... 要空运他
to Stony Brook. 去斯托尼布鲁克
We went to the emergency room. 我们去急诊室
The area where he was, 他在的那个区域
was... 是
from here to that wall... 从这里到墙那里
with beds, you know, where people were being treated. 有一些床 是人们接受治疗的地方
And... 嗯
he was laying there. 他躺在那里
And he looked so peaceful. 他看起来好平静
"The body is that of 尸体是
a well-developed obese black male. 发育良好的肥胖黑人男性
The body weighs 240 pounds, 体重240磅
is five feet, eight inches in height, 身高5英尺8英寸
and appears compatible with the reported age of 24 years. 与24岁报告年龄相符
Cause of death: gunshot wound of chest. 死亡原因：胸口枪伤
Manner of death: homicide." 死亡方式：谋杀”
Eleven o'clock rolls by. 11点已经过了
Midnight comes by, and I haven't heard anything from Mom. 午夜降临 我还没有听到妈妈的任何消息
And Dad gets home. It's about one o'clock in the morning. 爸爸回家了 已经凌晨1点了
"What are you doing up? Where is your mother? Where is William?" “你在这里干嘛？你妈妈呢？威廉在哪里？”
And I'm like, "He was in a fight and Mom went to get him." 我说 “他打架了 妈妈去接他了”
I hear a car pull up outside. 我听见外面有辆车停下来
You know, Dad's looking at her, I'm downstairs looking at her, 爸爸看着她 我下楼看着她
and she comes in and she's like,"He's gone." 她进屋来 她说 “他已经离开了”
-Is that how she said it? -Yeah. -她是这样说的吗？ -是的
Dad just held her, 爸爸搂着她
and held me, and... 搂着我
cried. 哭了
We all just cried. 我们都哭了
You know? 你知道吗？
Dad sent me upstairs to my room. 爸爸把我送上楼
Whatever she explained, she explained to Dad. 无论她解释什么，她都在对爸爸解释
She never explained it to me. 她从不对我解释
My boss asked me to call home. 我老板让我打电话回家
She was the Dean of Multicultural Recruitment at Hamilton. 她是汉密尔顿多元文化交流中心的主任
I asked her what was wrong. 我问她出什么事了
She told me to stay calm. 她让我保持镇静
I told her not to tell me to stay calm. 我跟她说不要让我保持镇静
My dad answered the phone. 我爸爸接了电话
I said, 'Is it Mom?' 我说 “是妈妈吗？”
He said, 'Your mother is fine.' 他说 “你妈妈没事”
I said, 'Lauren?' Or maybe I said, 'What's happening?' 我说 “劳伦呢？” 或者我说 “发生什么了？”
He said, 'Your brother is gone.' 他说 “你哥哥走了”
The next part of the conversation is a blur to me. 对话后面的部分我就记不清了
I remember screaming and punching the wall. 我记得我尖叫着敲打着墙
Packing a few clothes, 收拾了一些衣服
including the one dress I owned, 包括一条裙子
and leaving. 离家出走了
That was the beginning. 开始是这样的
I remember walking into the house 我记得走进了一间房子
and feeling immediately like I was surrounded by strangers, 立刻感觉被一群陌生人包围着
even though they were people I had known for most of my life. 即使他们是我一生中最熟悉的人
I remember walking in and having to suppress the urge 我记得走进去 压抑着冲动
to tell everyone to get the fuck out of the house. 让每个人快她妈滚出去
My mother was on the couch, sleeping and crying. 我妈妈在沙发上 睡一会哭一会
My father was... 我爸爸
stunned. 呆呆的
Imploding. 崩溃了
My sister... 我妹妹
was alone. 一个人
And I felt like all the people who were there were in the way, 我觉得所有在场的人都在挡道
and were obstructing my ability to see 挡住了我的视线
where the next threat was coming from. 下一个威胁来自哪里
If I could have turned around and left, 如果我能转身离开
I would have, but that wasn't an option. 我会离开 但是没有办法
We went to meet with the DA. 我们去和检察官见面
I'm not going to lie to you and say, 我不打算骗你说
"Well, the DA said this and the detective said that." “检察官这样说 警官那样说”
This is what I can tell you: 我能告诉你的是
from what they said, 从他们说的话
I did not feel that we were received 我不觉得我们被当作
as parents of a victim. 受害者的父母
OK? We weren't received as parents of a victim. 我们没有被当作受害者的父母
We were received as... 我们被当作
folks being informed that an investigation had to be conducted, 那些被告知必须进行调查的人
and would be conducted. 将被调查的人
OK? 知道吗？
I... 我
was foolish enough to think 傻到相信
that, well, you know, 你知道的
"It's gonna be OK." “一切都会好起来的”
And then one day I got a call to come... 然后有一天我接到一个电话
see Ms. Jones. 要去见琼斯夫人
We had no experience with this kind of stuff. 我们对这种事没有经验
Maybe I should have had a lawyer. I don't know what should have went on. 也许我应该找个律师 我不知道接下来怎么办
She called and said "Meet me." 她电话里说 “来见我”
You just go there, answer questions...you know, about that night. 你去到那里 回答问题 有关那个晚上
That's what I thought. 我就是这么想的
To be honest, I didn't know she was a DA. I was thinking I was going to a detective. 老实说 我不知道她是检察官 我以为要见的是警官
I was shocked when she walked in the room. 她进屋的时候吓了我一跳
She really started with the stuff with the gym. 她真的是从健身的事开始聊的
She was like, "You look like you're in pretty good shape," 她说 “你的身材很好”
and, "How much do you weigh?" “你的体重多少？”
She asked something about William's size, 她问威廉的体格
kind of, more telling me than asking me, and I don't think she sat down. 说的比问的多 我不记得她坐下了
She kept walking back and forth in front of the table. 她在桌子前走来走去
It was just... 只是
I was like, 我说
"Why are they asking me all these questions about strength and gym and..." “为什么他们问的都是力量和健身的事”
It was not a lot about that night, 没有问多少那晚上的事
or about... 或者关于
William. 威廉
What they spent time on 他们花时间的事
was investigating his background. 是调查他的背景
That's what they spent time on. 那是他们花时间的事
Day by day, you hear that your son is being investigated. 一天又一天 你听说你的儿子被调查了
Day by day, you hear rumors. 一天又一天 你听到很多谣言
And you grow more and more afraid. 你变得越来越害怕
Countless number of times, 无数次
at all hours of the night, 整夜
during the summer after my brother was killed, 在我哥哥被杀的那个夏天
I could look outside the window, 我看到窗外
and there was a car parked across the street. 街对面停着一辆车
That car, and whoever was in that car 那辆车和车里面的人
was watching our house and trying to intimidate my parents. 在监视我们家 试着恐吓我的父母
The phone rang in the middle of the night, 电话午夜响起
every night for months. 连续几个月的晚上
When I was home, I unplugged all of the phones in the house 我在家的时候 我把家里的电话线都拔掉
except for the one in my room, 除了我房间那部
so my parents could sleep through the night. 这样我父母才能睡一整晚
So that they wouldn't have to pick up the phone and say, "Hello?" 这样他们才不用接电话说 “喂？”
and not have anyone respond. 却没有任何回复
So they wouldn't have to hang up the phone and go to the window, 这样他们才不用挂了电话走到窗户
and see the car sitting across the street. 看见街对面停的车
Having grown up in the South, 在南方长大
where the cops and the Klan were one and the same, 那里警匪都是一样的
my parents didn't turn to the police for protection. 我父母没有向警察寻求保护
They had already felt that the police 他们已经觉得警察
had turned their own son 把他们的儿子
into the prime suspect in his own murder. 变成了主要嫌疑人
So not only is the phone ringing, 所以不仅是电话铃
not only is there a car across the street, 不仅是街对面有辆车
but there's the growing sense 而是越来越觉得
that the DA is going to actually let this kid 检察官实际上将让那小子
get away with murder. 逃脱谋杀的罪名
"May 20th, 1992. District Attorney James Catterson. 1992年5月20日 地方检察官 詹姆斯卡特森
Dear Mr. Catterson, I am the mother of William Ford Jr. 亲爱的卡特森先生 我是威廉福特的妈妈
a 24-year-old man who was murdered by Mark Reilly. 他是被麦克赖利谋杀的24岁男子
My family and I have been working with Detective James Hughes 我的家庭和我同詹姆斯休斯警官
and Assistant DA Stephen O'Brien 以及助理检察官斯蒂芬奥布莱恩
regarding the investigation of this crime. 一起在调查此案
We have waited and worked cooperatively with the investigation. 我们一直在等待并配合调查
There is, however,a nagging doubt which I have, 然而我却有一种挥之不去的疑虑
regarding the prosecution of this crime. 针对此案的起诉过程
Now, nearly two months later after his deliberate death, 现在 据他被谋杀已接近2个月
I and my family have yet to receive even a note from the Reillys. 我和我的家人还没有从赖利家人那里收到只言片语
Adding insult to injury, 更伤人的是
I now fear that your office has not yet fully embraced the advocacy 我现在担心你的机构还没有充分履行
for the people of the State of New York in the prosecution of this case. 为纽约州人民辩护的职责 在此案的审理过程中
Why? 为什么？
It is because we are being told, quote,'It is entirely up to the Grand Jury.' 因为我们被告知 “这都取决于大陪审团”
I believe that the strength of the presentation 我相信陈述的份量
made to the Grand Jury by your office is the determining factor. 由你们机构向大陪审团所做的是决定性因素
My son was not armed, not violent, not aggressing. 我儿子没有武器 不暴力 不具有侵略性
In no way is his death justifiable. 没有任何理由他的死说得过去
I intend never to rest until his murderer is brought to justice. 在凶手被绳之以法之前我决不罢休
With the advocacy of your office for the people of the State of New York, 你的机构为纽约州人民辩护
I trust that it will be soon, 我相信很快
for we too, are the people. 也是为我们这些人民辩护
Barbara Dunmore-Ford." 芭芭拉 邓莫尔福特
You know, the Grand Jury is sort of this mystery, right, to people, 你知道 大陪审团对于人们来说挺神秘的
And it's written right into our Constitution. 它是写入我们宪法的
So really, it shouldn't be a mystery, but it is. 所以它不应该很神秘 但是它确实是
You know, the Bill of Rights calls for a Grand Jury in felony cases, 人权法案要求在重案中成立大陪审团
and that allows the prosecutor to present its evidence to a neutral party, 允许检察官向中立方陈述证据
whether it's a Grand Jury or a judge in a preliminary hearing, 无论是大陪审团还是法官出现在预听证中
to show that there's two things: 说明了两件事
one, that there is probable cause that a crime has been committed, 第一 可能有犯罪
and probable cause that this is the individual who committed the crime. 第二 可能有罪犯
So at a trial, we have to prove beyond reasonable doubt, to a moral certainty, 因此在一次审判中 我们必须证明除了合理怀疑外还有道义上的必然性
that the person charged is the defendant who committed the crime. 被指控的被告是犯了罪的
But in the Grand Jury it's just probable cause. 但是在大陪审团 这只是可能的原因
In order for the case to go to a trial, the Grand Jury would have had to... 为了让案子受审 大陪审团可能会不得不
I mean, I wasn't there, but presumably they would have voted a True Bill, 我不在现场 但是大概他们会投“起诉决议”
saying that there was probable cause to move forward. 这样才有理由继续审理下去
So a Grand Jury is somewhat mysterious, I think, to the general public. 所以大陪审团有点神秘 我想对于普通公众来说
Another reason that is, is that it's secret. 另一个原因 是个秘密
And, you know, that actually... 你知道 事实上
I think some people get concerned with that. 我想有些人关心这点
It's actually supposed to be a protection for the defendant. 事实上可能是对被告的保护
And the idea there is, you know, 这里的观念是
if the Grand Jury decides that there is not probable cause, 如果大陪审团决定没有合理的原因
that the person should not have the stigma of, you know, 这个人就不会
having been brought before a Grand Jury. 被带到大陪审团面前
And, you know, 你知道
the disclosure of secret Grand Jury material can be a crime in jurisdictions, 揭秘大陪审团的材料在司法中可能是犯罪
and it's certainly unethical for a prosecutor to disclose... 检察官揭秘也当然是不道德的
things that happen in a Grand Jury. 发生在大陪审团里的事
And the Grand Jurors themselves can't disclose. 大陪审团成员自己是不能揭秘的
Now, the witnesses, in New York, 在纽约 证人们
are free to talk about what they presented to the Grand Jury. 可以自由谈论他们在大陪审团上陈述的内容
What flashed into my mind just 闪过我脑海的是
now, was the room we were waiting in. 现在 是我们等候的房间
The ADA came in, 助理检察官进来了
and called me in to testify. 叫我进去作证
I walk in. I sit down. 我走进去 坐下
I look around the room. 我环视房间
I see nobody who looks like me. 我看不到像我这样的人
No person of color. 没有有色人种
They were sitting in an area like a theater. 他们坐在一个像剧院的地方
Elevated seats. 升高的座椅
There must have been twenty-something people there. 那儿至少有20几个人
One person was reading a book, 一个在读书
another lady was reading a magazine, 另一个女士在看杂志
there was a conversation going on... 有人在交谈
My feelings were, when I sat in that chair... 我感觉 当我坐在椅子里时
was, "They don't care about what I have to say. 他们不在乎我要说什么
They really don't." 他们真的不在乎”
They weren't paying attention. 他们没有注意听
They weren't. 他们没有
OK? 明白吗？
And... 嗯
I became very angry with myself, 我很生我的气
because at one point... 因为在那一刻
I began to cry. 我哭了
And I... 而且我
hated that moment. 恨那个时刻
Because... 因为
I felt that... 我觉得
you know, they were going to say, 他们会说
"Here is another black woman “又是另一个黑人女人
who didn't do her job with her child, 没有照顾好她的孩子
and now she wants us to make somebody pay." 现在她想让我们找人为她买单
That's how I felt. 我就是这样感觉的
When your father came back, 当你爸爸回来时
he said to me... 他对我说
"Don't expect anything, ”什么都别指望
because it ain't gonna happen." 因为不会发生的”
-And how did you find out? -They came here. -你怎么发现的？ -他们来了
Who came here? 谁来了？
One ADA, 一个助理检察官
and a detective. 和一个警官
And what did they tell you? 他们跟你说什么？
They didn't indict. 他们不会起诉
They returned a No True Bill. 他们投了“不起诉决议”
That was it? 就是这样？
"I'm sorry." “抱歉”
What happened after that? 之后发生了什么？
I opened the door and said, "Thank you for coming." 我打开门说 “谢谢你的到访”
And I will be very honest with you. 我会对你非常诚实的
When that door closed, I collapsed. 门关了以后 我就崩溃了
I haven't ever, not once, 我从来没有 哪怕一次
tried to imagine what he looks like. 尝试去想象他的样子
I think he looks like... 我想他像
no offense to present company, 无意冒犯在场的人
every white man I've ever seen. 每一个我见过的白人
I think he looks like...the ticket taker... 我觉得他像检票员
on the Long Island Railroad. 在长岛铁路上
I think he looks like, you know... 我觉得他像
the guy in front of me, buying a beer, 在我前面买啤酒的人
at the bar. 在酒吧里
I think he looks like, you know... 我觉得他像
the schmuck who took my cab. 打我车的傻瓜
He looks like my physical therapist. 他像理疗师
He looks like, you know... 他像
anybody, anyone, everyone. 任何人 每个人
He's everywhere. 他无处不在
He looks like everywhere. 他看上去到处都是
It's one of those things you do in high school. 这是你在高中的时候做的一件事
Everybody just.... 每个人只是
proves themselves. 证明他们自己
And... Ford proved himself on a daily basis! 福特每天都证明他自己
He just took on this personality, I guess, once he realized his size, 我猜当他意识到自己的体型时 他就开始了这种性格
and that he could... you know, that he could intimidate people. 他可以恐吓别人
It was actually my birthday, I think it was my 16th birthday, 那天实际上是我的生日 我想那天是我16岁的生日
and one of the more menacing kids decided 一个更具威胁性的孩子决定
that day was my turn to get picked on. 那天轮到选我了
We were in a fight, and one of his friends had a knife, 我们在打架 他的一个朋友有刀
and tried to give the knife to the person I was engaged with. 他尝试把刀给正在和我打架的人
Ford just stopped him, and he goes, 福特阻止了他 他说
"I wouldn't do that if I was you." “要是我是你我不会那样做”
He just grabbed the knife and the kid just kind of looked at him, 他夺了刀 那小子看着他
and went back to watching the fight. 回去在一边看打架了
You know, I don't know if he saved my life. 我不知道他是否救了我的命
It was just, Ford was very protective. 福特非常保护周围的人
Ford got his license in the 11th grade. 福特11年级的时候拿了驾照
Your family had an extremely large, green station wagon. 你家有一辆非常大的绿色旅行车
I think it probably fit, like, 15 people in it, 我想大概能容纳15人
and we made sure that it did. 我们确定它可以
And we would travel to different towns, 我们去不同的城镇旅行
looking for trouble and looking for girls. 找麻烦 找妹子
Ninety-nine percent trouble and one percent girls! 百分之九十的麻烦 百分之十的妹子
So the first time I met him was in '85, 我第一次见他是1985年
our freshman year at Howard University in Washington DC. 那是我们在华盛顿州霍华德大学的第一年
And Ford was the only one that had on a shirt and tie, 福特是唯一穿衬衣打领带的人
slacks, and some... you know, a pair of dress shoes! 穿长裤 还有一双礼服鞋！
Everybody else was in sneakers and shorts. 其他每个人都穿运动鞋和短裤
And it was strange, 很奇怪
because the first thought you would think is, 因为你首先想到的是
"Is he a nerd?" “他是书呆子吗？”
You know, was he a square, or... 他是老古董 或者
But he actually wasn't any of that. 但是他实际上都不是
You know, he was just... 他只是
He liked to make a good impression, you know? 他喜欢给别人留个好印象 知道吗？
The second semester was the hardest for him. 第二学期对他来说最难
He didn't love Howard, you know. 他不喜欢霍华德大学
He wanted to be home, you know. He wanted to be home. Yeah. 他想回家 他想回家
"January 30th, 1989. 1989年1月30日
I'm trying to keep all aspects of my life balanced 我试图保持我生活的所有方面都平衡
and be successful in all of them. 都成功
I cut school today to go get a job. 我今天翘课去找工作
I got a Sunday-to-Thursday three-to-11 shift, driving a cab. 我找了一个周日到周四 3到11点的班 开计程车
I need the money for Valentine's Day and Mom's birthday, 我要赚钱买情人节和妈妈生日的礼物
and my other job doesn't start until the 15th." 我的另一份工作要到十五号才开始
Untitled. 无题
"Looking at her is peace itself. 看着她就好平静
He is at last where he has longed to be. 他最后去了他想去的地方
Finally, a loving place in her heart. 最后 她心里爱的地方
He looks upon her and now begins to wonder 他看着她 开始怀疑
if the love of someone so radiant can be possessed. 是否能拥有对一个人如此炙热的爱
He likes holding her in his arms, 他喜欢抱着她
close to him, breathing together as if from one heart. 靠近他 好像拥有同一颗心脏一样一起呼吸
He loves her gentle kisses under his neck 他爱她温柔的吻在他的脖子上
that make him powerless to stand. 那使他无力站起来
Does she know that she is the ghost that haunts his dreams? 她知道她萦绕在他的梦中吗？
Dream, and dream. 一个又一个的梦中
He begins to wonder. 他开始怀疑
He looks at her because he doesn't want 他看着她因为他不想
to lose what he is not certain he truly has. 失去他不确定真正拥有的
He will always look. 他总是会看着
Anything she wants. 她想要的任何东西
William Ford, Jr." 威廉福特”
Some of the stuff, I couldn't wrap my mind around. 有些事 一直萦绕在我心里
I said, "Bread, man, what are you writing about, man?" 我说 “老兄你在写什么？”
But in retrospect, 但是回顾往事
it could have just been life, man, you know. 这可能就是生活
William needed a job to get him back on his feet, 威廉需要一份让他脚踏实地的工作
and my mother helped him get a position 我妈妈帮他得到了一个职位
as an assistant teacher. 当助教
He was assigned to the boys' school on Rikers Island 他被派往里克斯岛的男校
and helped teach math to the young men who were jailed there. 帮忙给关在那里的年轻人上数学课
When Cornbread started teaching 当他开始上课
at Rikers, I think his innocence was lost. 在里克斯 我想他的天真已经失去了
The tragedy... 是个悲剧
to see others... 看见别人
that... that look like you 像你一样的人
are you...still in bondage. 还在受束缚
To try to wrap your mind around what needs to be done, 试着把你的注意力集中在需要做的事情上
at a young age, 在你年轻的时候
realizing there's no quick fix, 意识到没有什么能快速修复
and this was...it was like a culture shock. 这就像一个文化冲击
I think the... his experience at Rikers 我觉得他在里克斯的经历
deepened him, you know? 让他成熟了
It deepened him, 让他成熟了
to the point that... 到了
he wanted to... to make... 他想去使
make his... efforts count for something. 他的努力是有意义的
Yeah. 是的
William walked towards the garage and made a left. 威廉朝车库走去 左转
It wasn't maybe two seconds, three seconds... 也许不到两三秒
I just heard, like, a pop. 我听到一声 砰
By the time I got to the garage door, 当我到车库门的时候
William was backpedaling, 威廉正在后退
and he just kind of spun, I mean, with the biggest eyeballs, 他打着转 瞪大眼睛
and he just looked at me and he goes, "Kev, he shot me." 他看着我说 “凯文 他开枪打我”
And... I wasn't strong enough to hold him up. 我没有足够的力量把他抱起来
We both kind of fell to the ground. 我们都摔到地上了
You know, once I asked the guy, he was named Tom, 有一次我问那个叫汤姆的人
"What kind of gun is it?" “是什么样的枪？”
And he goes,"Oh, it's a twenty-two. It's a rifle." 他说 “是22口径来福枪”
So I kind of chuckled and I... 我轻轻笑起来
you know, it's kind of something you use to hunt rabbits or birds, you know? 是那种打兔子和鸟的枪
I remember laughing, and I'm holding Ford, and going, 我记得我笑了 我扶着福特
"Dude you got shot with a .22! “兄弟 你被点22打中了！
This is hilarious! Are you kidding me? Get up!" 真是滑稽！ 你在开玩笑吧？起来！”
And, 嗯
Ford wasn't saying nothing. 福特什么都没有说
I'm like, "Dude, get up." 我说 “老兄 起来”
And... 嗯
Then I saw some kind of... 然后我看到了一些
fluid, you know, on the pavement, 液体 在路面上
and I'm just, like, "What is that?" 我就说 “那是什么？”
And... 嗯
you know, it was never... 从来没有
I never saw any blood. 我从来没有见过血
I just remember things happening very fast at that point. 我只记得当时事情发生得很快
The police came and they're, like, grabbing me, 警察来了 他们抓住我
and pulling me to get away from Ford, and I'm like, "You can't leave him there!" 把我从福特身边拉开 我说 “你不能留他在那里”
And they're like, "There's a person with a gun inside, get behind the car." 他们说 “里面有个人有枪 到车后面去”
They put me behind the police car and they left Ford there. 他们把我拉到了警车后面 把福特留在了那里
I'm like, "You can't leave him here." 我说 “你不能留他在那里”
And, one police officer was like, "You better not move." 有一个警官说 “你最好不要动”
And the next thing I know, 接下来我知道的就是
they were walking out with the guy that, you know, shot him. 他们带着对他开枪的人走出来了
And he never went in handcuffs, and that was kind of odd to me. 他没有戴手铐 让我觉得很奇怪
I don't remember them putting him in a police car. They put him against the car. 我不记得他们把他送上了警车 他们把他送上了车
And there was a conversation that ensued. 接着是一场谈话
That's the part that was just weird to me. I kept paying attention to that part. 这是我觉得很奇怪的一部分 我一直注意那个部分
At some point, a limousine pulled up, 这时 有一辆豪车停了下来
and I remember them walking this kid to the limousine. 我记得他们把这个小子带到豪车那里
And I just stood there, like, "This is crazy that he's not in handcuffs, 我站在那里说 “他没有戴手铐 太疯狂了
that he's going to get into a limo." 他要上那辆豪车”
He was in there for some period of time. 他在车上待了一会
I kept asking, I said, "Where's the ambulance? What's going on? 我一直在问 “救护车在哪里？ 发生什么了？”
I've got to go see Ford. I've got to go see my friend." 我要去看看福特 我要去看看我的朋友”
And this cop is like, "You're not going anywhere, you're coming to the precinct. 警察说 “你哪里都不要去 你要去分局
You have a lot of questions to answer. 你有很多问题要回答
You have to understand that a man has been murdered here tonight." 你得明白今晚有个男人被谋杀了 ”
It's how I found out that Ford had already, I guess, passed away. 这样我才知道 大概福特已经死了
And I remember standing there, and I'm like, 我站在那里 我说
"What? What do you mean? He's dead?" “什么？ 你什么意思？ 他死了？”
From the time that William was shot 从威廉被击中的那刻
and that limo pulled up, 到豪车停下来
the story got made then. 后来事情就变成了
You know, 你知道
that this person... 这个人
was not going to jail, period. 是不会被送进监狱的
You know. 你懂得的
It just wasn't going to happen. 是不会发生的
So after William was killed, I was... 威廉被杀了以后 我
I tried to have eyes in the back of my head. 我想在我的头后面长一双眼睛
Am I saying what I really mean? 我表达清楚了吗？
I remember coming here and I remember... 我记得进来 我记得
you know, kind of... 你知道
you know, kind of coming inside and seeing you guys. 进来看到你们
And your mom was sitting on the couch, 你妈妈坐在沙发上
and I was kind of scared to approach her. 我害怕靠近她
And she was, like... She's like, "Come here." 她说 “过来”
And I kind of walked over and she said, "Sit on my lap." 我走过去 她说 “坐在我腿上”
And she said, "Kevin, just two things." 她说 “凯文 只有两件事”
She goes, "Don't desert me," 她说 “不要抛弃我”
and she goes, 她说
"This is what Ford would have wanted. He would have wanted you to be there." “福特会希望这样 他想要你在这里”
That was just... 只是
It took the air out of me, you know? 这样让我无法呼吸 你知道吗？
It left me constantly winded, man. 让我喘不过气来
You know. 知道吗
You know... 知道吗
I decided not to let anybody see me upset. 我决定不要任何人看到我的伤心
Because then they would want to talk about it. 因为他们会谈论此事
And I don't want to talk about it. Back then, I didn't want to talk about it. 我不想谈论此事 那时候 我不想谈论这件事
So whenever anybody asked me how I was doing, I said I was doing fine. 所以无论何时有人问我怎么样 我说挺好
I started spending some time... 我开始有时候
away from home, because I couldn't be here by myself. 不回家 因为我一个人没法待在那里
Or, you know, with Mom and Dad. 或者和我爸爸和妈妈一起
Mom just spontaneously crying, and... 妈妈会不由自主地哭起来
If I wasn't with my friends after school, 如果放学后我不和我的朋友一起
I was here, either in my room, 我要么在自己的房间
or watching TV. 要么看电视
And just... just staying quiet. 只是静静待着
After William was killed, I was scared. 威廉被杀以后 我被吓到了
I was scared to leave my home, 我害怕离开家
I was scared to stay. 我害怕留在那里
I was scared that my parents would... 我害怕我父母会...
Your father said to me, 你爸爸和我说
"Don't do anything to hurt my daughters. “不要做伤害我女儿们的事
Don't do anything to hurt my girls. 不要做伤害我女儿们的事
These are vicious people. 这些都是恶毒的人
Your son was shot down like a dog. 你的儿子像狗一样被杀了
You're not going to be with them always, 你不会永远和他们在一起的
I'm not with them always. 我不会永远和他们在一起的
The girls are all we have left." 我们只剩下女儿们了”
I wanted him to be angry. 我想他生气
I wanted him to be outraged. 我想他愤怒
I wanted him... 我想他
to... 去
I wanted him to get a gun... 我想他拿把枪
to avenge my son's death. 为他儿子的死报仇
He became silent. 他变得沉默了
We never sat down as a family and talked about what happened. 我们从未像家人一样坐下来谈谈发生了什么
We just kind of... 我们只是
went into our own spaces, went into our own heads. 进入自己的空间 进入自己的头脑
The house had a stillness 整个屋子都静止了
unlike anything I've ever felt 不像我曾经感受过的
in my life. 在我的生命中
It was like... 好像
all the sound... 所有的声音
left the world. 都从世界上消失了
I thought... 我想
that I could comfort your father, 我可以安慰你爸爸
or... and that he would comfort me. 或者 他可以安慰我
But he turned his back. 但是他转过身
I would move over, over... 我移过去 移过去
and... he couldn't go any further. 他再也躲不远了
He couldn't go any further. 他再也躲不远了
So I got up and I walked around the bed, 所以我起来 绕到床边
and I got in front of him. 我站在他面前
I just said, 我只是说
"It's not your loss. “不是你一个人的损失
It's our loss. 是我们的损失
We, together, created this child. 我们一起创造了这个孩子
God granted him to us for these years. 这些年主把他赐予了我们
You can't grieve an issue that came from my body, 你不能为我身上的问题感到悲伤
and shut me out." 还把我排斥在外”
And we both cried. 我们都哭了
He embraced me, and we both cried. 他抱着我 我们都哭了
And that's how we went to sleep. 然后我们睡着了
Yance, go down. 杨斯 低头
Why don't you let us button up your strap? 你为什么不让我们扣上你的带子？
No. 不要
My father had the stroke that 我爸爸中风了
paralyzed him on the left side of his body 使他的左半身瘫痪
the year after my brother was killed. 在我哥哥被杀后一年
Help me stand up. 帮我站起来
Help you stand up? 帮你站起来？
Yeah. 是
Right. OK. 好
Yance, stand next to Dad. 杨斯 站在爸爸旁边
-Do you want to stand beside me? -Yeah. -你想站在我旁边吗？ -是
-Where are you? -I'm right here. -你在哪里？ -我在这
That's the good side. 这边好
The right side is the good side. 右边好
-I know. -Alright. OK. -我知道 -好
Smile, Dad. 笑一下 爸爸
What else? 还有呢？
OK, this is good. I'm done. 很好 我拍好了
And... fading to black. 静静转向黑暗
When I went to college, I did start doing what I wanted to do. 当我上大学的时候 我确实一开始就做我想做的事
I had filled out an application for the Rochester Police Department... 我申请去罗切斯特警察局
you know? 知道吗？
And I was looking into the Monroe Sheriff's County... 我去了门罗郡
the Monroe County Sheriff's Department. 门罗郡司法部
I wanted to... I was pursuing... 我想 我想去
you know, being a cop or being an EMT up there, 在那里做一名警察或者一名急症科医生
when Dad had his stroke, 当爸爸中风的时候
and... 嗯
Mom was like, "We can't afford to keep you up there." 妈妈说 “我们负担不起你了”
7:30 in the morning. I had woken up late. 早上7：30 我起床晚了
I got dressed, got my stuff together... 我穿好衣服 收拾好东西
I had to go to class, because we had a test. 我要去上课 有考试
I go into the city. I do my thing. 我进入城市 做我的事
I come back home, 我回到家
but the first thing I see is Dad's wheelchair folded up 第一件事我看到就是爸爸的轮椅折叠起来了
in the corner of the foyer, and I'm like, "What's going on?" 在门厅的角落里 我说 “发生什么了？”
Mom found him outside, 妈妈发现爸爸在外面
underneath the porch in a nice shady spot, 在门廊下的一个阴凉地
where he liked to sit and watch people go by. 他喜欢坐在那里看人们来来往往
I did William a great disservice 我对威廉有个很大的伤害
in raising him the way we did. 在我们养育他的方式上
Because, 因为
we've always tried to teach you guys 我们一直试着教育你们
that you see character and not color. 应该看人品而不是肤色
And many, many times, I wonder... 很多次 我想
how I could be so wrong. 我怎么错得那么厉害
The only nightmare I ever remember having 我记得做的唯一一个噩梦
is my mother, standing at the top of the stairway 是我妈妈 站在在楼梯的顶端
in her nightgown. 穿着睡袍
Her hair is on end. 她的头发很长
There's light behind her. 她后面有光
I can't see her face. 我看不见她的脸
She says to me, 她对我说
"This house is made of bone. “这个房子是人骨做的
This house is made of bone. 这个房子是人骨做的
This house is made of bone." 这个房子是人骨做的”
I failed 我失败了
to keep my son alive. 没有让我儿子活着
I failed you and your sister, 我对不起你和你妹妹
in not pursuing justice. 没有追求正义
How do you know... 你怎么知道
when and what to do differently? 什么时候做什么会不同？
OK, my dear. 好了 亲爱的
Thank you very much. 非常感谢
Want to go up to the mirror to take a look? 想不想用镜子看看？
My mother always suspected that there was something else, 我妹妹总是怀疑还有些事
that she didn't know, or that she hadn't been told, 她不知道 或者她没有被告知
that had happened, that had contributed to my brother's death. 发生了 造成了我哥哥死
She had asked me, 她问我
"Is there anything that you know that I don't know?" “这里有什么你知道但我不知道的吗？”
And I flat out lied to her on more than one occasion, 我不止一次告诉她
and said, "No. 说 “没有
You know everything I know." 你知道我知道的一切”
And that wasn't true. 那不是真的
I never told my mom 我从来没有告诉我妈妈
about the conversation that William had with me. 威廉和我的谈话
I never told my mother that he called. 我从没告诉我妈妈他打过电话
I went to college 300 miles from home, 我的大学离家300英里
in the middle of upstate New York. 在纽约以北的中部
When I got to Hamilton, I could finally come out. 当我到哈密尔顿的时候 我终于可以出来了
I just didn't have to hide anymore. 我可以不用再掩藏了
And that's the person that William didn't know. 那是一个威廉不认识的人
When William had a confrontation... 当威廉发生冲突
Not the night that he was shot but about a month earlier, 不是他被枪杀那天 是大约1个月前
at the garage, 在车库
and threw a vacuum cleaner and picked up a... a car door... 扔吸尘器 抓一扇车门
threatening to slam it down... 威胁要拆了它
He called me after that, 他之后给我打电话
and told me what he had done, and... 告诉我他干了什么
I was proud of him. 我为他骄傲
I cheered him on, for being a bad-ass, 我鼓励他 做个坏人
for not taking shit from anybody. 不受别人的欺负
And he actually called me. 他居然打电话给我
He could have called his friends. 他本来可以打给他的朋友们
He could have chosen not to call anyone. 他本来可以谁也不打
But he called me, and told me about it. 但是他打给了我 告诉我了
Because he was proud of himself. 因为他为自己骄傲
And I think that he wanted me to be proud of him. 我想他想让我为他感到骄傲
And I was. 我确实是
And I felt a little bit like... 我觉得有点
even though he might not have fully known who he was talking to... 尽管他可能还不知道他在跟谁说话
it felt like he was talking to the real me. 感觉他在和那个真实的我说话
And that's why that phone call is so dear. 这就是为什么那个电话如此宝贵
That's why it's so important. 这就是为什么它如此重要
And that's why I feel like I fucked it up. 这就是为什么我觉得我搞砸了
Mark Reilly is accountable for William's death 马克赖利应该为威廉的死负责
because Mark Reilly shot William. 因为马克赖利枪杀了威廉
But I could have helped William stay out of that situation to begin with. 但我本来可以开始就帮助威廉远离那种情况的
If I had told my parents about the first incident, 如果我告诉我父母第一次的冲突
he would have been stopped in his tracks, 他会被拦住的
because they both would have come down on him. 因为他们俩都会批评他的
But instead, 但是
I enjoyed... 我享受
my brother, the hero. 我的哥哥 是个英雄
And a month later or so, 一个月左右以后
that hero was dead. 那个英雄死了
The madness that is my brother's death, 我哥哥的死
would drive me mad, 让我抓狂
if I weren't able... 我会发疯的 如果我不能
to hold myself accountable for at least a small part of it. 至少对一小部分事负责
Because then, it sort of... it grounds it somewhere. 因为 有点像 它就在某处
It puts it on the earth, 它就在地球上
as opposed to in the ether, or as opposed to... in the unknown, 而不是在太空里 而不是未知的
or in the anonymous. 或者是匿名的
If I don't ground it, in some way, in myself, 如果我自己不在某种程度承认它
then it's everywhere, all the time. 那它就到处都是 时时刻刻
It's ubiquitous. 它是无处不在的
And that actually is a greater, more damaging, 它事实上是更重大 更有破坏性
heavier burden to live with, 更沉重的负担
than to blame myself for not being a smarter 19-year-old, 责怪我自己19岁的时候没有更聪明
when my brother called me and told me 当我哥哥打电话告诉我
about this stupid fight that he had. 他那场愚蠢的打架
Does that make sense? 有道理吗？
詹姆斯休斯警官 萨福克郡警察局 调查过此案
Detective's Association. 警察协会
Good morning. I was hoping to speak to Detective James Hughes, please. 早上好 我想和詹姆斯休斯警官说话 谢谢
This is Detective James Hughes. 我就是
Good morning, Detective Hughes. My name is Yance Ford. 早上好 休斯警官 我是杨斯福特
I don't know if my name is familiar to you at all. 我不知道我的名字你熟不熟悉
It's familiar because I just got back from 熟悉 因为我刚刚
vacation and listened to your message. 休假回来 听了你的留言
I do remember the case.I remembered it 我确实记得那个案子 我想起来了
as soon as I heard your brother's name. 一听到你哥哥的名字
You know, obviously, the Grand Jury, when presented with the evidence, 很明显 那个案子提交给大陪审团的证据
came back with a No True Bill on the case. 得到了一个“不起诉决议”
You know, there was a... 你知道 这个
The Grand Jury pretty much looked at the case as... a self-defense case. 大陪审团非常倾向认为这个案子是正当防卫的案子
They felt it was a justifiable...shooting. 他们觉得是正当的开枪
The way the Grand Jury went was supported by the facts and evidence. 大陪审团的结论得到了事实和证据的支持
Just, you know, I mean... and that's part of what made the case so hard. 这是造成案子如此棘手的部分原因
But, I mean, this wasn't a thing 但是 不是这样的
where I thought the Grand Jury went the wrong way. 我觉得大陪审团的方向错了
Because I had a number of different statements from people, 因为我有很多人不同的说法
about incidents prior to this incident. 关于这件冲突前的那个冲突
And... 嗯
I mean, I know that there was one incident before... 我知道这之前有一次冲突
the night that he was killed, 在他被杀的那个晚上
because he told me about it. 因为他告诉过我
You know, he'd picked up a car door. He'd thrown a vacuum cleaner. 他抓了一扇车门 他扔了一台吸尘器
Oh, yeah. 是的
So I know that that incident occurred. I don't know... 所以我知道那次冲突
Let me see if I can get a hold of any of my reports. 我看看我能不能找到一些报告
OK. Anything... Anything you could share with me would be really helpful. 任何东西 任何东西你能分享给我的都非常感谢
-I can't promise. But if I can... -No, of course not. -我不能保证 但是如果我可以... -当然
I really appreciate it. Thank you very much. 我非常感激 非常感谢
-I'll talk to you within the next week. -OK, sounds good. Thank you. -我下周内和你聊 -好的 谢谢
-Hey, there. -Hey. -嗨 -嗨
How's it going? 怎么样？
I just talked to Detective Hughes. 我刚刚和休斯警官聊了
Oh, my goodness. 天哪
I need to talk. I just need to hear your voice for a few minutes. 我想和你说话 想听会儿你的声音
I'm right here. I'm right here. 我在这 我在这
The fucking vacuum cleaner... 那个该死的吸尘器...
incident... 冲突...
Oh, my God. 天哪
...is why they didn't indict him. 是为何他们没有起诉他
What? 什么？
Because he threw a vacuum cleaner. Because he picked up a car door. 因为他扔了一台吸尘器 因为他抓了一扇车门
And because apparently that's enough to justify reasonable fear. 因为显然这足以证明恐惧的合理性
What kind of investigation was this? 这是一种什么类型的调查？
-The fucking vacuum cleaner. -Oh, my gosh, my love. -该死的吸尘器 -我的天哪
OK. 好
Wait. What else did he say? 等等 他还说了什么？
Nothing. I just hung up the phone with him. 没了 我挂了电话
He's going to call me back next week. 他下周再打给我
-He's gonna call you back next week.OK. -Yeah. -他下周再打给你 -是的
Did you start crying on the phone or after? 你在电话上哭的还是后来哭的？
After. I managed to keep myself together! 后来哭的 我尽量没有崩溃！
Deep breath. Take a deep breath. 深呼吸 深呼吸一下
Thank you. 谢谢
-I'll be home soon, OK? -OK. Talk to you soon. Bye. -我很快会回家 好吗？ -好 待会儿聊 拜拜
You know, I actually had hoped to not be in New York that weekend. 我其实希望那个周末不在纽约
I had hoped to be in Chicago with a bunch of my friends. 我想和一帮朋友在芝加哥
But I couldn't get anyone to cover my shifts at the DA's office. 但是我找不到人帮我在检查局当班
I didn't have any cash so I went to the local ATM, 我没有现金了 所以去提款机取钱
and as I was doing the transaction, 我在操作的时候
I felt something at the back of my head. 我觉得后面有人
And at first I actually thought it was one of my roommates, 开始我还以为是我的室友
maybe playing a joke or something like that. 在跟我开玩笑
I turned around and there was, you know, 我转过头
a man standing there with a gun in his hand. 看到有个男人手里拿着枪站在那里
You know, very surreal. 非常离奇
You know, it's sort of...people describe... sort of slow motion. 就像人们描述的慢动作
And that's sort of what I, you know, went through at that point. 那个时候我经历的
My, sort of, heart, at that point was in my throat. 心跳到嗓子眼
You know, I could feel my sort of...constriction, in my throat. 我感觉自己喉头一紧
And I basically made a break for the door, 我向门口逃窜
you know, giving him the money, and then there was an explosion. 我把钱给他 后面有爆炸声
And, you know, I remember actually more the sound first, 我实际记得我先听到声音
and then this feeling, 然后感觉到
like someone had just, you know...punched me in the kidney, right? 就像有人猛击我的肾
And... 嗯
And it was this huge disconnect. 有个巨大的中断
It just... the explosion was one thing, 先是爆炸声
And then there was this feeling in my...like a really hard punch to the kidney. 然后就是感觉到猛击我的肾
And then it was suddenly this realization. 然后我突然意识到
"Oh, my God, I've been... He shot me." “天哪 我被...他枪击了我”
And I remember yelling out, like,"Oh my God, he shot me." 我记得大喊道 “天哪 他枪击了我”
And then he was gone. 然后他走了
I remember thinking, "I'm not going to die here. Not today. 我记得当时想 “我不要死在这里 不是今天
Not here on the streets of Brooklyn." 不在布鲁克林的街道上”
And... sorry. 不好意思
So I put my hand behind my back, because I was like, "What is that?" 我把手放到背后 我说 “那是什么？”
Like I was feeling, like... moisture. 我感觉到湿湿的
And my hand was soaked in blood. 我的手沾满了血
I'm dying. 我要死了
So I... 于是我
I just need to get to a live person, 我只是需要找个人
someone I can talk to who's going to know what to do. 我能告诉他该怎么做
I knew the one place you always find people is the subway, 我知道总能找到人的地方 那就是地铁
and also the token clerk, and... 还有检票员
So I actually had a badge, as a prosecutor, 我实际上有检察官的徽章
and you know, I pulled out my badge and I said, "Help me, I've been shot." 我掏出我的徽章说 “帮帮我 我被枪击了”
And I sort of put it up against the window and... 我把它放在窗户上
She was like, "OK, alright," you know, "Hold on, honey. Hold on, honey." 她说 “好的 你要撑住啊 你要撑住啊”
And, you know, she quickly made a call on something and then she came out, 她快速打了电话 然后走出来
which, I found out later, is against all protocol. 我后来发现 这不合乎规范
But... 但是
it was this moment of humanity. 这就是人性闪耀的时刻
She... 她
She just held me. 她扶着我
And... she encouraged me to sit down, and I was afraid to shut my eyes, 她劝我坐下 我怕自己会闭上眼睛
because if I fall asleep, I'm not going to wake up. 因为如果我睡着了 我就不会醒了
So... 于是
Sorry. 抱歉
They got me up. They got me into an ambulance. 他们把我抬起来 送上了救护车
I didn't realize that they shut down the 我没有意识到他们为我关闭了
Brooklyn Bridge, to get me over there. 布鲁克林桥 便于我通过
The other thing I had a vague memory of, 另一件事我有点模糊的记忆
when I was still down in the subway... 当我躺在地铁站的时候
These two guys coming up and one saying, 有两个人过来 其中一个人说
"Hey, man, what happened? Where did you go?" “发生什么啦？你去哪里了？”
You know. "We saw you, we saw you." Or, you know, "We couldn't find you." “我们看见你了 我们看见你了” 或者 “我们找不到你”
And again, I found out later from the prosecutor 我后来从检察官那里得知
that one of them was your brother. 其中一个是你哥哥
Or was your brother or his friend. 不是你哥哥就是他的朋友
They apparently had seen part of it, 他们显然已经目睹了一部分
or had seen this...one of the guys running away. 或者看到 一个家伙逃走了
And I guess one of them would chase after the guy, 我猜有个人会去追那个家伙
and one of them went to try to find me. 另一个试着去找我
Mr. Ford's testimony was basically, 福特先生的证词基本上是
the guy was running right down the middle of the street, and he ran after him. 那个人在街道中间奔跑 他在后面追着他
The guy with the gun. And jumped on him, and caught him. 那个拿枪的人 他跳到他身上 抓住了他
That's my remembrance of what had happened. 我记得是这样发生的
And I remember that we made an X right in the middle of the street, 我记得我们在街的中央画了一个X
on a picture, as to where that had happened. 在一张照片上 标明发生的地点
I mean, he just, he reacted, 我是说 他的反应
and I was trying to remember, was he in the service or something? 我记得 他是不是在军队服役还是什么呀？
What gave him the training or ability 是什么给了他训练或能力
to handle himself in such a... effective way? 能如此有效的处理这些事？
You know? Fearless. 知道吗？ 无所畏惧
It was a... it was a heroic act, I think. 他就是一个英雄 我觉得
"January 1st, 1992. It's a new year. 1992年1月1日 新的一年
I'd said I was not going to make any resolutions, 我说过我不打算做任何决定
but there are some goals that I would like to get accomplished. 但是有一些目标是我想要完成的
One. By June 1st, I would like to be a corrections officer. 第一 到6月1日 我想成为一名管教所官员
Or I will be back in school. 或者我想回到学校
These are my only two options. 这是我仅有的两个选择
Two. This year,I want to stand and not falter. 第二 我想站起来 不要踌躇
I want to calm some of my fears. I want to feel peaceful. 我想平息我的一些恐惧 我想感觉平静
This is the year for me to find me. 今年是找寻自我的一年
January 2nd. 1月2日
It's only the second day of the year and already I'm feeling lonely. 这只是一年中的第二天 我已经感到孤独了
I'm tired of every aspect of my life having an undecided feeling. 我厌倦了生活中的每一个方面 有一种犹豫不决的感觉
January 7th. 1月7日
When I got home, there was a letter from the Department of Corrections, 当我回到家时 有一封来自管教部的信
telling me I have 30 days to come in for my weigh-in. 告诉我有30天的时间进入部门 但须体重达标
I'm on a two-day fast, and will be 我需要两天快速减肥 将在
back down to 245 by Wednesday. 周三体重降到245磅
I couldn't ask for a more powerful motivation. 我不能要求更有力的动机了
40,000 dollars a year! 年薪4万！
I've been trying to get this job for almost two years, 我想得到这份工作已经快两年了
and now it all comes down to the next 28 days. 现在一切都取决于未来的28天
The only thing that I must remember is that there can be no failure. 我唯一要记住的是不许失败
There is no starting over. 不会再开始一遍
This is the last chance I'm going to get, and I must take it. 这是我将得到的最后一次机会 我必须要得到
January 9th. I'm at 241. 1月9日 241磅
My next goal is to be at 230 by the 19th. 我下个目标是19号到230磅
The goal after that is 225 by the 25th. 再下个目标是25号到225磅
Then, if I am down to 220 by the 30th, 如果我30号降到220磅
I will go in on the 31st. 31号我就能通过了
And I still have two tricks up my sleeve that I've been holding in reserve: 我还是有两个秘密武器 我一直存着
Ex-Lax and Lasix. 泻药和利尿剂
January 28th. 1月28日
The only problem is, I think I'm getting sick. 唯一的问题是 我觉得我病了
I'm feeling weaker than I have felt the whole time. 我感觉比之前都要虚弱
I have to hang on until Friday. 我必须坚持到周五
I don't care if I have to crawl into the place. I will not give up. 我不在乎我是不是必须爬着去 我不会放弃的
January 30th. The last day. 1月30日 最后一天
I do know that this is a chance to start over, 我知道这是一个重新开始的机会
with a whole new everything. 全新的一切
It's not just a new job, 不仅仅是一个新工作
it's a new adventure. 是一个新的冒险
Pull this off, and then you can... 做成了这件事 你可以
actually make a small chunk of the world yours. 实际上让世界一小部分是你的
Pull this off, and you can actually make a small chunk of the world yours. 做成了这件事 你可以实际上让世界一小部分是你的
Just do it." 放手去做”
"Dear Candidate, 亲爱的候选人
This is in reply to your appeal to the City Civil Service Commission 这是对你市公务员委员会申诉的答复
of your disqualification for appointment 你被取消资格
to the above position, Correction Officer, 对上述职位 管教官
for medical reasons: weight. 因为医学上的原因：体重
The City Personnel Director has granted your appeal, 市人事局局长批准了你的上诉
and you have been marked: qualified." 你已经被标记：合格”
It's May 15th, 5月15日
so he has been dead now... 这个时候他已经去世了
He's been dead for six weeks. 他已经去世6周了
But, hey, 但是 嗨
he's medically qualified. 他在医学方面是合格的
Hello? 你好？
Hi! 你好
Oh, I'm getting there. 哦 我去了
I had my eyes done. 我眼睛做了手术
I certainly look as if I fought with Muhammad Ali, 我看起来好像和拳王阿里打了架
he beat me up, went and had dinner, 他打完我 去吃饭了
and came back and punched me in the face some more! 然后回来又揍我的脸！
The children are doing well. 孩子们挺好的
They're not children anymore. 他们已经不是孩子了
They tell me what to do. 他们告诉我该做什么
But every now and then, you've got to put them back in place. 但是时不时的 你要让他们恢复原位
You've got to let them know that you're still the boss. 你必须让他们知道你还是老板
I'm still the boss, Yance. 我还是老板哦 杨斯
I always knew that. 我一直都知道
Thank you for calling. 谢谢你打电话过来
You brought bright rays of sunshine in my life. 你给我的生活带来了灿烂的阳光
What are you doing now? 你在做什么？
I want to make sure that there's ice going down the side of your cheek. 我想确保顺着你的脸颊往下都有冰
Like, to this place, here. 比如 到这里
OK. 好
And down the side of here, also. 还有沿着这边
You know, so that we get some ice on the corners. 这样角落里也有冰了
So why don't you put a piece of tape from here, back there? 那你为什么不从这里往后面拉一条带子呢？
And if you need to take the earring out, you can. 如果你需要把耳环摘下来 可以摘
From what I was able to put together... 根据我的记忆
...there was a car accident on February 16th. 2月16日有一场车祸
Apparently, it was with a Super Stang 明显的是 是超级站的车
vehicle, driven by Mark Reilly. 由马克赖利开的
There was an agreement made at the scene 现场达成了协议
that Super Stang would fix the car. 超级站会把车修好
Then time started to stretch out. 时间过去了
By March 19th, Lesline and your mom went 3月19日 蕾丝琳和你妈妈
to the shop to see what was going on. 去店里看进展如何
Mark Reilly may have said something that got your mom... your mom upset, 麦克赖利可能说了些让你妈妈不开心的话
which got William upset. 让威廉也不开心
And William went to the shop with Kevin Myers. 威廉和凯文迈尔斯去店里
William was speaking to Thomas Datre. 威廉和托马斯达特瑞说话
Coincidentally, he's in the news now. Have you seen it? 很巧 他现在上新闻了 你看到了吗？
I have. 看到了
William was talking to Datre. 威廉和达特瑞说话
He was very angry because he'd upset his mother. 他很生气 因为赖利使他母亲心烦意乱
He was described as "shaking with anger." 他被说成 “气得发抖”
Wanted to know who disrespected his mother. 他想知道谁对他妈妈不敬
He picked up a car door and was about to throw it, from a Corvette. 他抓了一扇车门想扔出去 从一辆克尔维特牌车上
The girl who owned the Corvette was there 克尔维特车的女车主在场
and stepped in. He put the door down. 进来了 他把车门放下来
At that time William picked up a vacuum, put it over his head. 然后威廉拿起了一台吸尘器 举过头
The water kind of, like, fell out onto him, 里面的水流下来了
and he threw the vacuum and broke it. 他把吸尘器扔坏了
He picked up a hammer, and began... He came at Mark Reilly. 他拿起了一把锤子 朝马克赖利走去
I guess he held him responsible, 我想他是想让马克负责
because he may have been the one who disrespected your mom. 因为他认为马克就是那个对他母亲不敬的人
He never swung it at him, never hit him, he never threatened him. 他从未向他挥过拳 没有打过他 也从未威胁过他
-But he had the hammer in his hand. -Right. -但是他手里有锤子 -是的
Mark was petrified. 马克吓呆了
But other members there, they actually were kind of, like... 但是在场的其他人 他们实际上有点
laughing at him. 在嘲笑他
And they were calling him a little girl. 他们叫他小女生
I mean, he was obviously frightened. 他明显吓到了
Your brother was a big guy, and he was intimidated. 你哥哥是个大块头 他被吓住了
After that, William went home, 之后 威廉回家了
and your mom noticed that he was soaking wet. 你妈妈注意到他湿透了
Asked what happened, and he said 问他发生什么事了 他说
that he was... he was wet with sweat from the gym. 他去健身房锻炼出的汗
And I followed up on that. I went to the gym. 我查了下 去了健身房
But your brother had not been at the gym that day. 你哥哥那天没有去健身房
I was there, the night of the... Corvette incident 我当时在场 克尔维特车意外那晚
You know, William kept saying, "What do I have to do? 威廉一直说 “我该怎么办？
Why isn't my car being fixed? You got time to work on everything else." 为什么我的车还没修好？你有时间做其他事情”
And he's... kind of like this. And then he saw the Corvette. 他是这样的 然后我看到了克尔维特车
I was like, "No, not the Corvette!" You know, kind of like that, you know. 我说 “别动克尔维特车！”
And, 然后
he never damaged the car. 他没有弄坏车
And it wasn't a situation. Because there were guys laughing. 不是那种场面 因为有人在笑
There were people, like... I don't want to use the word "egging him on," 有人在...我不想用那个词“怂恿他"
but clowning with him. 但是戏弄他
We were laughing, and clowning, and... 我们在嘲笑 戏弄他
I'd say there were ten to 15 people there. Scared of what? 那里当时有10-15人 怕什么？
The vehicle was subsequently 车辆随后
released to your... to your mom, I guess. 给回你妈妈了 我猜
There was something about somebody 还有件事
from the shop following the car home, 店里的人跟踪车子回了家
and as a result of that, on April 7th, 导致了 在4月7日
Kevin Myers, again with William, returned to Super Stang. 凯文迈尔斯和威廉又回了超级站
And William was yelling at Tom Datre, 威廉对着汤姆达特瑞吼叫
and ultimately sees Mark, and goes after Mark. 最后看见了马克 跟着马克
Mark retreated into the paint room, where he grabbed a rifle. 马克回到了他的油漆室 拿了一把来福枪
Your brother walked into the paint room and approached, 你哥哥走进油漆室靠近他
made a comment about, "What are you gonna do with that?". 说了句 “你打算怎么办？”
He came at him. 他向他走过去
And Mark fired one shot. Hit him in the chest. 马克开了一枪 击中了他的胸部
Right. 是的
There was no stone left unturned in this, I can tell you that. 有关这件事所有的真相就这些了 我可以告诉你
It's just... an unfortunate thing. 真是件不幸的事
I mean, I certainly put every effort into this being, you know, 我当然已经尽了全力 你知道的
into this being covered 100 percent, 110 percent. 100% 110%的投入
"April 1st, 1992. 1992年4月1日
Tomorrow, I have to go to court in downtown Brooklyn, 明天 我必须去布鲁克林区的法院
for my first day of testimony in the Breen case. 是我在布瑞恩案子作证的第一天
Mr. Boyar is expecting me by ten o'clock. 博瑞尔先生希望10点见我
I need to pick up my suit from the dry cleaners before they close." 我要在干洗店关门前去拿我的外套”
This is where William was on April 2nd: Kings County Court. 4月2日 威廉在国王县法院
This is where William was, April 3rd: 4月3日 威廉在这里
testifying for the prosecution. 为控方作证
This is where William was on Monday, April 6th. 4月6日 周一 威廉在这里
This is where William was on Tuesday, April 7th. 4月7日 周二 威廉在这里
Kings County Court, testifying for the prosecution. 国王县法院 为控方作证
The vehicle was subsequently 车辆随后
released to your... to your mom, I guess. 给到了你的 你的妈妈 我想
There was something about somebody 还有件事
from the shop following the car home, 店里的人跟踪车子回了家
and... as a result of that, 结果导致
on April 7th, William returned to Super Stang. 4月7日 威廉回到了超级站
And I think it was just, you know... 我想这只是
your brother was caught up in what had happened to your mom. 你哥哥为发生在你妈妈身上的事所困扰
I get out. Ford gets out. 我下车 福特下车
I remember him going into the yard and 我记得他进了院子
somebody coming out of the shop door, 有人从店门出来
and meeting him in the yard. 和他在院子里碰面
Words started getting exchanged, and I said, "Oh, here we go." 他们开始交谈 我说 “我们走吧”
William was arguing outside, in the yard, 威廉在外面争论 在院子里
with someone other than the kid who shot him at the time? 和其他人而不是开枪的那个小子？
-Correct. -OK. -对 -好
So, the person he was arguing with was Tom Datre, Jr. 和他争吵的人是汤姆达特瑞
-He was sort of the owner of the shop? -Right. -他是店主吧？ -是的
And that the person who was in the back, with the rifle... 那个在店后面 拿着来福枪的人
Excuse me. His name was Mark Reilly. 不好意思 他的名字是马克赖利
He was an employee of the shop. 他是店员
Right. 是的
I read that Datre Jr. had been, two years before that... 我看到达特瑞在事发的两年前
arrested for, essentially, 被捕了 实际上
running a chop-shop out of the garage at his parents' house. 在他父母家的车库里开了一家卖贼赃店
He recruited kids, 他雇佣孩子
and paid them to steal cars. 付钱给他们去偷车
And then he chopped up the cars, and sold... sold off the pieces. 他把车拆解了卖 卖零件
What I'm trying to figure out is... 我试着弄明白的是
what happened, if anything? 发生了什么 如果有的话？
What did William say, if anything, to Tom Datre Jr., 和汤姆达特瑞说了什么 如果有的话
when they were in the yard, outside of the garage? 当他们在院里 在车库外面？
You know,he didn't make any threats. 他并没有做任何威胁
He didn't say, "I'm gonna beat you up." 他没有说 “我要揍你一顿”
He says, "I got accepted to Police Academy and Corrections Academy. 他说 “我被警察学院和管教学院录取了
When I become either one, I am telling you, 随便我成为哪个（警官或者管教官） 我告诉你
I'm going to get this place shut down." 我要把这里关了”
Ford was serious about what he was saying, 福特对他说的话很认真
but he wasn't doing anything... anything that night, 但是他没有做任何事 在那天晚上
to provoke a fight, or to get shot. 挑起打斗 或被枪杀
It was a conversation. "I'm gonna do this, once I become a cop." 谈话的内容是 “我要这样做 一旦我成了警察”
Then we started to walk away. That's when Mark walked out. 然后他走开了 那时候马克走出来了
He didn't look surprised. He didn't look panicked. 他既不吃惊也不恐慌
He just glanced and made a U-turn, and went back into the garage. 他只是瞥了一眼 掉头就回车库了
That's when William looked at me and he just kind of went, 那是威廉看着我的时候 他只是走了
"That's the guy that cursed out my mother." “他就是那个骂我妈妈的家伙”
I was like... 我嘛...
William turned. He didn't say anything. He just turned and he walked. 威廉转身 他什么也没说 他转身就走了
And he got to the doorway. He made a left. 他走到门口 向左
So then, we heard a pop. 那个时候 我们听到了一声 砰
There was no: "Stop! I'll shoot you! I'm scared!" 没有说 “站住！我要开枪了！ 我害怕了！”
No scuffle, no fight. 没有扭打 没有打斗
William turned and was shot. 威廉转身 然后被枪击了
I don't understand the self-defense, because there were options. 我不理解为什么是正当防卫 因为有其他选择
There had to be a back door to the place. 这地方肯定有后门
He could have went that way. 赖利完全可以走
I'm sure some door had a lock behind it. 我确信有些门后面有锁
Even when they say, "This happened a month ago," 甚至他们说 “一个月前的事”
or "He was afraid," or this and that... 或者 “他害怕” 或者这些那些
OK, so a month ago, you were afraid. 好 一个月前 你害怕
If that even was the truth that night. 但那不是那天晚上的真相
And after leaving... 在离开
the Grand Jury, 大陪审团以后
I kind of got in the car, and I kind of knew... what they were at. 我上车后就知道他们要干嘛了
I didn't know if it would work, 我不知道是不是可行
but I strongly felt 但是我强烈感觉到
that everything was being made to present a case of... 一切都是为了让案子表现为
"Mark was scared. He did what he did because he was scared." “马克害怕了 他做的一切都是因为他害怕了”
"Gunshot wound of the right chest. “右胸枪伤
Hemorrhagic wound track, perforating right chest wall, 出血性伤口 右胸壁穿孔
mediastinum, heart, left lung, and left chest wall. 纵隔 心 左肺 左胸壁
Wound path: front to back, right to left and downward. 伤口路径：从前到后 从右到左 向下
Deformed, non-jacketed, small caliber bullet recovered. 发现变形非夹套小口径子弹
There is no evidence of gunpowder stippling or soot deposition 没有证据表明火药点或烟灰沉积
on the skin around the wound." 在伤口附近的皮肤上”
There is no evidence of close range firing. 没有近距离射击的证据
How do you measure the distance of reasonable fear? 你如何衡量合理恐惧的距离？
What are the contours of fear? 恐惧的轮廓是什么？
What do your eyes tell you? 你的眼睛告诉了你什么？
Do you see my brother? 你看见我哥哥了吗？
Dredge the river and you will find him. 打捞这条河 你就会找到他
Or someone who could have been him. 或者有可能是他的人
So you tell me, 所以你告诉我
whose fear is reasonable? 谁的恐惧合理？
"The body is cold, 尸体已经冷却
and rigor is present and fixed to an equal degree in all extremities. 而且僵硬 四肢均是如此
There is an earring hole in the left earlobe. 左耳垂上有一个耳洞
No tattoos or needle tracks are observed. 没有观察到纹身或针眼
The irides are brown, the cornea are cloudy, 虹膜是棕色的 角膜混浊
the conjunctivae are unremarkable. 结膜正常
The liver is unremarkable. 肝脏正常
The kidneys are unremarkable. 肾脏正常
The heart... 心脏
is unremarkable." 正常”
I looked at... the Grand Jury. 我看着大陪审团
I looked around. 我环视一周
I saw who was paying attention. 我看谁在注意听
OK? 好吗？
How could you come to a viable decision, 你怎么能做出一个切实可行的决定呢
if you're reading a magazine, 如果你在看杂志
if you're doing a crossword puzzle, 如果你在玩填字游戏
if you're talking with somebody? 如果你在和别人聊天？
I think serving on a jury, 我觉得在陪审团里服务
and particularly a Grand Jury, 特别是大陪审团
is one of the greatest... privileges 是一种最大的特权
of citizenship in this country. 作为这个国家的公民
And you shouldn't take it that way, 你不应该那样行使
based on race, creed or color. 基于种族 信仰或肤色
You should judge the content of the evidence presented. 你应该判断所提交证据的内容
My feelings were that they just didn't give a damn. 我的感觉是他们根本就不在乎
And if I die today, tomorrow or the next day, 如果我今天 明天或后天死去
I will die believing that they didn't care, 我死也相信他们不在乎
because my son was a young man of color. 因为我的儿子是个有色年轻人
I will always believe that. Always. 我会一直相信这点 一直
Until the day I die. 直到我死那天
It was election day and... four o'clock in the morning, 今天是选举日 早上4点
the phone rings. 电话响了
I knew because of the time that something was wrong. 我知道这个时间有电话肯定有坏事发生了
And there was this...one day, 是这样 有一天
before she was in a coma, 在她昏迷之前
where I thought that she was trying to pull herself up in bed. 我以为她是想从床上爬起来
And I had given her my right hand, 我伸出右手
to, you know... 你知道
I had offered my right hand, for her to grasp with her right hand. 我伸出右手 让她用右手抓住
And I thought she was trying to pull herself up. 我以为她是想从床上爬起来
And really she was trying to pull me toward her. 她其实是想把我拉到她身边
And... 嗯
it took me a good five minutes to realize that... 我花了五分钟才意识到
I was trying to make my mother more comfortable in bed, 我想让我妈妈在床上舒服些
and what she wanted was for me to hug her. 她想要我拥抱她
You stumble out of the garage and into the yard, 你跌跌撞撞地走出车库来到院子里
where you fall. 你跌倒在那里
You lie on the ground, hole in your chest, 你躺在地上 胸口上有洞
another in your lung. 另一个洞在你的肺部
You feel the pain and know you will never see your sisters again. 你感到痛苦 知道你再也见不到你的妹妹们了
Your mother. Your father. 你的妈妈 你的爸爸
You wonder how your family will survive this. 你想知道你的家人怎么能活下来
You realize that you will not survive this. 你意识到你无法活下来
You realize you starved yourself for 32 days, for nothing. 你意识到你饿了32天 什么都没有得到
You lie on the ground, bullet through your heart. 你躺在地上 子弹穿过心脏
You can't speak, and no one speaks to you. 你不能说话 没有人跟你说话
You do not know your death may, in fact, 你不知道你的死亡 实际上
be the actual death of our family. 实际上是你家庭的死亡
You do not know that we are silent in our grief, 你不知道我们在悲伤中沉默
even with one another. 即使是对彼此
You do not know your killer will say he had to shoot you. 你不知道你的凶手会说他必须枪杀你
You do not know your killer will make you out to be a monster. 你不知道你的凶手会让你成为一个魔鬼
Mark Reilly will make you out to be a monster, 马克赖利会让你成为一个魔鬼
and people will believe him. 人们会相信他
You do not realize that there will be no trial. 你不知道这里没有审判
You don't know that 23 white people will decide 你不知道那个23岁白人将决定
no crime has even been committed. 他甚至没有犯下罪行
You realize there may be no Heaven. 你知道那里可能没有天堂
There may only be the ground. 可能只有地面
Ray Charles: "Let the Good Times Roll" 雷查尔斯：“让美好时光滚滚而来”